Posted by: shannynmoore | July 23, 2009

Palin Caught In A Naughty Monkey Trap

Everyone knows how to catch a monkey even if you’ve never had to.  Basic concept.  Put a banana in a jar and make sure the mouth of the jar monkey trap(2)is bigger than a monkey paw, yet smaller than the banana.  When the monkey gets hold of that banana, he won’t let go, even if it means his hand is stuck in the jar.

Sarah Palin finds herself in a similar predicament.  Her Alaska Fund Trust is the perfect golden banana.  It happens to be inside the legal jar created by Thomas Daniel’s ethics investigation findings.  You see, Mr. Daniel concluded Palin had used her official title of governor to raise money for a “slush fund” to pay her legal bills.  That’s a no-no, silly monkey!

With his findings, Mr. Daniel gave the Naughty Palin Monkey an out…”LET GO OF THE BANANA!”  To avoid an ethics hearing, Palin could give back the money raised by the fund.  Then, there would be no finding of guilt.  Not only did she not let go of the money, her fund trust kept their campaign up and begging-thereby making the banana fatter and more golden.

This week, the report of a “jar” was leaked.  Palin, her spokesmodels, and attorney have curious explanations:

“THERE IS NO JAR!”

“IT’S A LIBERAL JAR!”

“IT’S THE FAULT OF THE WOMAN WHO FILED A COMPLAINT TO FIND OUT IF A JAR EXISTED!”

“IF THERE WERE A JAR, IT WOULD BE OPEN AND TRANSPARENT!”

“THE EXISTENCE OF A JAR IS STILL UNDETERMINED AND NOT FINAL.”

“SARAH PALIN HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE JAR, EVEN THOUGH IT’S HER DAMN BANANA!”

“SARAH PALIN WROTE THANK YOU NOTES TO “BANANA BUILDERS” WITHOUT KNOWING THEY EXISTED!”

I don’t have a lot of experience with monkeys.  If I were rooting for a trapped monkey, I’d tell them to let go of the banana…the “jar” is real.


Responses

  1. I’d like to suggest the following for Palin’s next quotation tweet:

    If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.
    — P.J. O’Rourke

  2. Now THAT is funny.

    And there is no way that Scarah and her minions will ever understand the analogy.

  3. Just read this on Huffington Post Shannyn. BRILLIANT!

    Monkey with a banana wearing naughty monkey shoes? This will have $arah tearing out what’s left of her hair. I love it! THANKS, as usual you exceed my expectations (always high).

  4. This has got to be one of the best to date!

    A definite, don’t let a cuppa joe near this one!

    Thank you for the brilliant and hilarious portrayal of Palin’s greed and lack of intellect.

    The rest of the country is catching on, finally!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Perhaps more vexing for Palin’s national political aspirations, however, is that 57 percent of Americans say she does not understand complex issues, while 37 percent think she does, a nine-percentage-point drop from a poll conducted in September just before her debate with now-Vice President Biden. The biggest decline on the question came among Republicans, nearly four in 10 of whom now say she does not understand complex issues. That figure is 70 percent among Democrats and 58 percent among independents.

    “She just, to me, lacks substance and dedication,” poll respondent Barbara Jamison, 59, a data-entry worker at a publishing company, said in a follow-up interview. Jamison, an independent from Killingworth, Conn., added that Palin “strikes me as being more interested in celebrity than in actually doing political work.”

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/23/AR2009072303799.html?wprss=rss_nation

  5. This might have worked also. Old Chinese saying,
    “Shoot the chickens, to scare the monkeys.”

    Rich

  6. Put that Naughty Monkey under oath! TRIAL!

  7. Touché, Sarah finds herself in an enigma wrapped up in a conundrum.

    -lynnrockets.com

  8. I enjoyed reading this post! Throughout the rest of the day, I will get visions of a naughty monkey (who looks an awful lot like a certain soon-to-be ex-governor) desperately trying to get the banana out of the jar. Thanks for the smiles.

  9. hilarious analogy. Thank you!

    The scary thing is that more than half the people in this country still think she’s honest and trustworthy.

    • Yea, well, there is a sucker born every minute.

      • But weren’t some of those suckers recalled recently?

  10. One of your best post yet, Shannyn. Short and simple, yet it speaks volumes!

  11. omg–woke up in a funk this morning. I needed cheering up so I headed out to my fave AK blogs and have been roflmao since. Thank you, Thank you Shannyn, the latest post is hilarious,brilliant and more brilliant. Great mind pictures!

  12. This is great! Love it! You rock, Shannyn!

  13. I just read an eye-opening piece posted on Celtic Diva’s blog. Written by an attorney, the author takes a look at the actual language of the trust and suggests that the Palins were about to benefit financially in more ways than paying legal bills. A MUST READ!

  14. Funny thing about those Thank You notes: The palinistas wereall agog over the opportunity to get a real handwritten note from the goddess. They spread the word all over the place–“for $150 bucks you’ll have a priceless piece of history to show the grandkids so pony up folks.” Now, if Sarah did indeed write the notes in her own hand, it shows that she knew all about the fund and actively participated in the fund raising activities. On the other hand, if she DIDN’T write every one of those notes and someone else did and signed her name, those eager donors were sold a bill of goods and have a worthless piece of paper with a forged signature.

    Now…what will Palin say about those notes? yes I wrote them and I lied about my involvement with the fund? or I didn’t write them and I lied to donors who thought they were getting the real Palin ink?

    Dang, its just heck if you do and also heck if don’t, too as well.

  15. For those who have not read it yet:

    http://www.divasblueoasis.com/diary/744/the-alaska-fund-trustan-analysis-from-one-of-those-dreaded-east-coast-lawyers

  16. Brava Shannyn! I’m betting that Sarah will never be able to let go of that particular banana. It simply is not in her nature. That pile of money is the flame and Sarah is the moth. (I offer a global apology to all moths everywhere for that vicious and unfair slander.)

    They will have to pry that banana from her fingers as she is led away kicking and screaming, “it’s mine, it’s mine, IT’S MINE!”

  17. Have to say Shannyn that’s some fine writing. Clear concise and to the point. Only i fear she will run with banana and jar and all to some remote place. Whence she can extricate said banana.

  18. Sarah Palin is (a) cheetah?

  19. As always, worthy of a yahoo buzz. Gotta love grass roots citizen media.

  20. Wow, amazing Shannyn – you are truly a gifted and brilliant and humorous writer.

    Then again, we are fortunate there is such a WEALTH of idiocy out there to make fun of, right?

    She will never let go of that banana. Even if the banana only cost a penny, Gov Grifter can’t let go.

    Watching insanity in living color is amazing isn’t it? It’s like watching a car accident happen. You don’t want to watch, but you can’t help yourself. The Train Wreck continues. This is not over.

    There were a couple of interesting things about the lawyer’s comments on the Diva’s blog. First, the fund is NOT a legal defense fund according to the Trust document. And Mr. Daniels took his information from the website, and not the Trust document itself. (Wonder why?)

    And the latest….the MonkeyMinions are now throwing Daniels under the bus as a Democrat.

    Do they really eat their young????

  21. The legal analysis by the east coast attorney is more than excellent. Even I (wonderful that I am) did NOT realize Daniels was using the fund’s site and NOT the actual documents setting the fund up, as reference for his report.

    Every single issued raised by this attorney is extremely pertinent and I think it is possible, IF the issues are investigated by non-corrupt authorities in Alaska ( yeah, I know !) THAT CRIMINAL CHARGES COULD RESULT.

    Seems Coale ( Greta’s husband) was involved in a Ponzi scheme ( info from posts found on another blog and cannot remember which one) and IF he has history of even attempted fraud, his involvement with this fund will look even more suspect.

    (Didn’t Cole refer to competent attorney’s setting up the fund and name Coale as one of them??)

    PLEASE GET THE ISSUES RAISED BY THIS EAST COAST ATTORNEY TO HUFFINGTON ( AND THUS TO MSM) — I CANNOT STRESS HOW IMPORTANT I THINK THIS CAN BE.

    PERPHAPS WITH ENOUGH NATIONAL PUBLICITY, ALASKA WILL BE FORCED TO INVESTIGATE THESE ISSUES.

    At minimum, even if no litigation follows, intelligent readers will see what is going on.

    This kind of exposure to the light could greatly damage Palin’s ability to influence anybody and anything in the future.

    EVEN IF NEVER LITIGATED, IT WOULD EXPOSE HER FOR THE CRIMINAL INTENT I BELIEVE SHE –AND COLE–INTENTIONALLY MEANT TO BRING ABOUT.

  22. onejrkitty: While I agree with your premise, I also think that individuals who are still donating to $arah$lush are aware of the questionable nature of the Trust.

    Unfortunately these low information individuals will continue to throw their money away, rather than take time to actually investigate where their dollars are going.

    The balance of people donating are flying monkeys – and would give to her if they had to watch her eat a kitten on television.

    It’s their money and their loss. People have been losing their hard earned dollars to shysters and grifters for years. It is up to the donor to find out if what they are funding is legal, legitimate. In most cases, if there is even a question of “smelliness”, a donation won’t be given.

    The people who continue to send $$ to $arah deserve to lose it – at this point. It’s widely known that the Trust may very well be questionable. Donating funds to a questionable Trust is not very smart – then again, neither are the donors.

    I don’t feel sorry for anyone that donates still.

  23. Shannyn, this is totally off subject but I just saw this release and thought that I remembered you commenting way back when.

    http://www.ktuu.com/Global/story.asp?S=10782547

  24. Does anyone wonder if Twitter was created specifically for Palin – spelling and syntax unimportant, 140 character limit, limited attention span – a match made in heaven.

  25. I don’t know why this jutt occurred to me, but it IS after 6 PM on a Friday night in Alaska…

    However, that doesn’t keep EFTs from being done — such as from a certain poorly watchdogged trust account to perhaps an untraceable offshore account suggested by a certain billionaire benefactor?

  26. Was there another ethics complaint filed against Palin prior to the close of business today? Someone over at Mudflats wrote to watch for something around 4pm Alaska time.

  27. Fantastic analogy Shannyn. I can see in my minds eye Ms. Palin getting more and more upset when she can’t get her hand out of the jar. I can also see her never making the connection from her current situation to this analogy without someone explaining it to her. Maybe not even then…

  28. There exists a pile of money to pay her legal bills. She finds out that as governor she can’t dip into the pile of money because of Alaska law. As ex-governor she can dip into the pile of money. Are you sure that she just found this out a week ago? Not, say, two weeks ago? Maybe this is the other shoe.

  29. Alaska’s Good- Bye song to Sarah Palin (my give a damn’s busted)

    Well, you filled up our heads with so many lies.
    You twisted our hearts till somethin’ snapped inside.
    We’d like to give it one more try,
    But our give-a-damn’s busted.

    You can crawl back home, say you were wrong;
    Stand out in the yard and cry all night long.
    Well, go ahead and water the lawn:
    Our give-a-damn’s busted.

    We really wanna care.
    We wanna feel somethin’.
    Let us dig a little deeper:.
    No, sorry: nothin’.

    You can say you’ve got issues, you can say you’re a victim.
    It’s all the media’s fault,I mean after all you didn’t pick ‘em.
    Maybe somebody else has got time to listen:
    Our give-a-damn’s busted.

    Well, your therapist says it was all a mistake:
    A product of the Prozac and your co-dependent ways.
    So who’s your enabler these days?
    Our give-a-damn’s busted.

    We really wanna care.
    We wanna feel somethin’.
    Let us dig a little deeper:.
    No, still nothin’.

    It’s a desperate situation, no tellin’ what you’ll do.
    If we don’t believe you, you say your governorship is through.
    C’mon, give us somethin’ we can use:
    Our give-a-damn’s busted.

    Well, we really wanna care.
    We wanna feel somethin’.
    Let us dig a little deeper:
    No, Man sorry.
    Just nothin’, you know.
    You’ve really done it this time, ha, ha.
    Our give-a-damn’s busted.

    P.S. My Give a Damn’s Busted, really IS a song…………

  30. I can hardly believe (and yet, given the Palin crew, I can) that they’re going after the Personnel Board and attorney Daniels for unfair treatment of the soon to be ex (As reported on Fox faux news and the ADN). Wow…they didn’t have any complaints about Mr. Daniels democratic party associations when he dismissed five other ethics complaints. But when he finds against poor abused little Sarah they come unglued and cry “Obama association” foul. Hopefully the Board and Mr. Daniels will push back and push back extremely hard on this one. It’s appalling that former governor Winkey Blamehouse might get away with another one by stomping and whining and crying poor little abused me…AGAIN.

  31. Brilliant op-ed in the NY Times (from Anchorage):

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/25/opinion/25hensley.html

  32. I found Palin’s missing naughty monkeys!

    http://failblog.org/


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